-Lucy Maud Montgomery, The Story Girl
"She loved expressive words, and treasured them as some girls might have treasured jewels. To her, they were as lustrous pearls, threaded on the Crimson cord of vivid fancy. When she met with a new one, she uttered it over and over to herself in solitude, weighing it, caressing it, infusing it with the radiance of her voice, making it her own in all its possibilities forever."
-Lucy Maud Montgomery, The Story Girl
Ewww! That's word vomit.
I find holes in your rhetoric. You were living without him before you met him. Explain that.
You are suffering from an ailment known as Co-Dependency. Co-Dependency is NOT love. It's an assassin of energy and love. It's smothering and nauseating.
I despise the reality of the world's unseemly wretched view of love. Love is not attachment. Love is not elevating someone to be your savior or to fill the holes in your chinked armor.
The issue is not with your man, the issue is your unrealistic expectations of your man. He is not your savior. He is a human being. Love, appreciation, affection, etc. can come from him, but there are things that God wants you to solely look to him for: satisfaction, purpose, validation, etc. Your man doesn't possess the power or authority to give you the things that only God (THE source) can, and neither do you. Your man's place isn't meant to be at the center of your life. That is too much pressure! Your quality of life should not be wrapped up, tied up, or tangled up in his actions or lack of. Your moods/emotions should not be tossed to and fro by his presence or behavior when your hope is steadfast and anchored in the Lord, rooted and grounded on a foundation infinitely deeper. What he does or doesn't do is not a defining factor of your worth. When you remember to have compassion when he falls short (because you will fall short too), you will find it so much easier to love him, regardless, because you won't be expecting perfection from him. But, do not excuse or be ignorant to mistreatment. You don't have to tolerate any of it. You are worthy of being cherished and valued as the queen that you are, loved as Christ loves the church. If he's not meeting the standard, then let him go. And, stop being hard on yourself. Extend that same compassion to yourself as well. Remember, God loves us perfectly, without reproof, and we fail him daily. So, relax doll. Go get a massage.
People are not projects or houses to renovate and flip for profit.
In conclusion, relationships are to be the joining of two complete/WHOLE individuals to create a third, larger entity so that you're both a part of something powerful, not just half of something. The "my other half" thing just breeds insecurity, which leads to the most painful relationship challenges like jealousy, abuse and infidelity. Why on earth would you want your happiness to be determined by someone or something outside of God or yourself?
I always enjoy quaint cafes with good food, whipped in with the medley of pleasant atmospheric sounds and colorful people. There are moments when I obtain material to write about.
During one visit, I happened to over hear a man loudly conversing over the phone when he enthusiastically let this preposterous statement clumsily fall from his lips, "Man, I love women, but they are crazy! Just in the way that they think."
I was instantly repulsed with badly beaten ear drums. Since I couldn't address him for his rather misguided comment (because I unwillingly overheard it and wasn't invited to the conversation), I had to blog about it as I am doing now.
To the men who may be just as misinformed as the guy I introduced above, I'm willing to extend a helping hand to you.
We are not crazy because we think differently than you. We are WOMEN. We don't operate under the same infrastructure as men. Many of us (I can really only speak for myself) work hard to understand the opposite sex so that we live harmoniously as your help-mate, not your doormat. So before you try to get us the next available cushy cell in the psychiatric ward, I kindly suggest consulting with God about what his purpose for a woman is (find out what yours is as well), and abandon your distorted view/expectation of what she is supposed to be for your ego. If you expect a woman to conduct herself as a man, then perhaps you should reassess your sexual preference because a woman thinking like a man is unnatural and a brutal assault to our quintessence.
Don't cheat yourself out of your own blessing. Abort the sanctimonious narrow-minded thought process. It's a turn off.
Cellphone, be gone! (poof!)
And, just like that, I feel more at peace when I'm not cradling my cell phone at all times of the day. It really doesn't need a baby sitter. I can go days with my phone turned off or locked away. The people most important to me, I can see face to face and our precious encounters aren't via a device of any sort. Those types of connections: psychological, mental and emotional, in physical form, I crave and carry close to my heart. Those kinds of connections can't be replicated by a phone or digital dynasties (I'm not knocking the internet because it has provided a myriad of communication platforms, but I'm old school.) Physical presence is powerful to me and it will always be the one I prefer.
I've banished my phone from my palace of rest. I tried the "do not disturb" feature, still didn't take away the blue lighting effect, which keeps me alert. I tried turning it off, nope, didn't work. Something about it being in close proximity made me anxious. Cellphone usage in the bedroom interrupts the production of the natural sleep hormone, Melatonin. So, I put it out and have disciplined myself to only use the bedroom for sleep/rest, relaxation, & reading. It is super wonderful how my slumber has since then improved and won back its potency. My sleep is sound, coupled with the peace and quiet. Plus, a cell phone is no where near as cuddly as a fluffy pillow or warm body (the only warm body in my bed is me though). My cell has also been barred from my office space. Just not having access to it, keeps me focused and productive at work. I don't have the urge to check it when I remove it from my presence.
I've killed the app notifications, yep, straight slaughtered those suckers. I have full control over whether or not to be notified, and I obviously don't care to be notified at all. There's nothing important that can't wait until the next time I log in, whenever that will be.
And, gone are the days when I write books via text message. I'll just say it in person.
Social media has also gotten the proverbial boot from me. I've laid out some ground rules for myself and made a few discoveries.
Unplugging is refreshing. There is something calming about not posting the picture instantly. It is okay to do things and not post them, or to have parts of my life remain undocumented (90% of my life is undocumented anyway, the 10% is for sharing modeling adventures & inspiration, but I'm just making a point). I'm a private person and what goes on in my life is personal, it belongs to no one but me and my organic loved ones. I'm stingy. It just feels so good not to allow everyone the possession of knowing. There have been quite a few exciting and pleasant events that have transpired in my life recently that I was not compelled to share through photos or verbiage.
Unplugging for a weekend, month, or longer allows me to reflect alone and maintain my sense of self, separate from an online persona. I like to replace my devotion to social media dynasties with curing my wanderlust and being raptured in experiences full of glory and substance.
Also, If you're not in my life, why should I care about what's going on in yours virtually? I've made a decision: If you're not in my presence, then I won't go scoping you out on social media. All of my attention will go to the present moment I'm in, whether I be by myself or with loved ones. That's where my energy and focus will be.
Social media has positive characteristics, when not abused. I do have to use it for modeling purposes. And cell phones are needed for emergencies and instant checking in, but it’s restorative to go on a tech-digital hiatus: detach from it all, to purify, to cleanse, to pay attention, to seize awareness of the present moment. I honestly feel that in the future, I will be so over social media that I will end my online presence for good.
By the way, I am not writing this post from my iPhone. Major points for me.
Quick Tip: www.unroll.me is a great find. You can unsubscribe, all at once, from all of those annoying emails. You're welcome.