"She loved expressive words, and treasured them as some girls might have treasured jewels. To her, they were as lustrous pearls, threaded on the Crimson cord of vivid fancy. When she met with a new one, she uttered it over and over to herself in solitude, weighing it, caressing it, infusing it with the radiance of her voice, making it her own in all its possibilities forever."
-Lucy Maud Montgomery, The Story Girl
Ewww! That's word vomit.
I find holes in your rhetoric. You were living without him before you met him. Explain that.
You are suffering from an ailment known as Co-Dependency. Co-Dependency is NOT love. It's an assassin of energy and love. It's smothering and nauseating.
I despise the reality of the world's unseemly wretched view of love. Love is not attachment. Love is not elevating someone to be your savior or to fill the holes in your chinked armor.
The issue is not with your man, the issue is your unrealistic expectations of your man. He is not your savior. He is a human being. Love, appreciation, affection, etc. can come from him, but there are things that God wants you to solely look to him for: satisfaction, purpose, validation, etc. Your man doesn't possess the power or authority to give you the things that only God (THE source) can, and neither do you. Your man's place isn't meant to be at the center of your life. That is too much pressure! Your quality of life should not be wrapped up, tied up, or tangled up in his actions or lack of. Your moods/emotions should not be tossed to and fro by his presence or behavior when your hope is steadfast and anchored in the Lord, rooted and grounded on a foundation infinitely deeper. What he does or doesn't do is not a defining factor of your worth. When you remember to have compassion when he falls short (because you will fall short too), you will find it so much easier to love him, regardless, because you won't be expecting perfection from him. But, do not excuse or be ignorant to mistreatment. You don't have to tolerate any of it. You are worthy of being cherished and valued as the queen that you are, loved as Christ loves the church. If he's not meeting the standard, then let him go. And, stop being hard on yourself. Extend that same compassion to yourself as well. Remember, God loves us perfectly, without reproof, and we fail him daily. So, relax doll. Go get a massage.
People are not projects or houses to renovate and flip for profit.
In conclusion, relationships are to be the joining of two complete/WHOLE individuals to create a third, larger entity so that you're both a part of something powerful, not just half of something. The "my other half" thing just breeds insecurity, which leads to the most painful relationship challenges like jealousy, abuse and infidelity. Why on earth would you want your happiness to be determined by someone or something outside of God or yourself?
Visual and Linguistic Artisan + Creative Content Author.