As a lady, it is, of course, natural for my heart to long to share my life exclusively with a man. I yearn to give myself completely to someone, to have a deep, concrete, perpetually flourishing soul, heart, and spirit relationship with my "Ezer Kenegdo", solidified by Christ's authority. To be loved thoroughly, ferociously, and exclusively. God's desire is not for us to be alone on this earth. I've asked him the burning, lingering question, and he answered me, melted away my uncertainty by warming my spirit with this luscious message I came across below.
"No, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and content with being loved by me alone, giving yourself totally and unreservedly to ME, having an intently personal and unique relationship with ME alone, discovering that only in me is your satisfaction granted. Then, you will be able to have the perfect human relationship I have planned for you. You will never be united with another until you are united with me, exclusive of anyone or anything else. I want you to stop planning, stop wishing and allow me to give you the most thrilling plan existing, a plan that you cannot even imagine. I want you to have the best. Please allow me to give that to you.
Expect the greatest things. Keep listening and be a scholar of the things I tell you. Just wait. That's all. Don't be anxious. Don't worry. Don't concern yourself with the things others have received from me. Don't fiddle with the things you "think" you want. Just keep your eyes on me, or you will miss what I want to show you. And then, when you are ready, I will surprise you with a love far more wonderful than you ever dreamed of. You see, until you are ready and until the one for you is ready (I am working at this very moment to have both of you ready at the same time), until you are both exclusively satisfied with me and the life I have prepared for you, you can't experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with me, and thus the perfect love. Dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love. In MY time, I want you to see it in the natural, a portrait of my heart and to concretely enjoy the everlasting union of beauty, perfection, and love that I offer you with myself. Know that I love you utterly and unconditionally.
I am God Almighty. Believe that and be satisfied in who I am."
I have a need - a need so annoyingly burrowed within me, incessantly nagging and nauseatingly pulsating. This need fiercely demands my attention and threatens to eat me from the inside out until I have refrained from denying it. I can not weed it out from the stubborn maze of its vines that intertwine around and through my organs and bones; that is nourished by the blood that courses through my veins. This need is not a characteristic of sexual gratification, no, it is much deeper and complex than that. It is a composite to my destiny. And, I know that once this longing is met by the hand of God, I will become a ferocious ripping tidal wave, beautifully devastating and full of impact that makes a controlled, unvarying trickle look like a drip from a faulty faucet.
To be continued...
I visited the lake the other day, It's my physical 'Go To' to 'Get Away'. While I was there, consuming God's beauty: The still, gentle, whispering applaud of the water, the glowing reflection of the setting sun plastered across portions of the lake's surface like paint., I began to zoom in on the striking, continuous syncopation of the ripples in the water, which sparked my thoughts on the concept of 'going with the flow'. This is an area I have struggled with since being in control is what I have fought to maintain. However, it has yielded me nothing positive. And, if I want to obtain peace, then I need to master the art of rolling with the tide.
As I was standing on the rocks that intricately adorned the edges of the lake, I so badly wanted to dive in and be enveloped. But, I didn't have the guts, plus it was rather cold for my liking. In my mind though, I did take that plunge. By doing so, I was mentally programming my mind to obtain a new way of thinking and just. let. go. Adjust. Adapt. I didn't stay in the shallow end either, because I don't want my thinking to be shallow. I went deep, to get to that place of peace with God, that place that is unmoved or unchangeable by the surface chaos. This is a place I will mentally revert back to.
Even though I was here alone physically, enjoying my solitude and singledom, I had a presence there with me, and as it wrapped my body, fiercely played in my hair, whispered in my ear, and caused tiny bumps to raise from my sun glazed skin, I was not tossed to and fro, but dizzy with pleasure. I was still firmly planted on the rigid, rock adorned ground. (Like a tree, planted by the water... (Jeremiah 17:8)" That permeable air blanket was soothing and sweet. It is amazing how much clarity and therapy can come from gorgeous lake views and a 'becoming one with the water" imagination. I choose to be free and flowing.
"Be still, and know that I am God;...(Psalm 46:10)"
"In quietness and calmness will be my strength (Isaiah 30:15)."
"But as for you, be clear-headed in every situation (stay calm and cool and steady), endure every hardship (without flinching).. (2 Timothy 4:5)"
Happy New Year!
I am happy to begin again! :)
Every morning, I wake up to the Dictionary app's word of the day notification on my phone. I internally giggled at today's word "Redintegrate", which means to make whole again; restore to a perfect state; renew; reestablish.
What is so funny about this word is the confirmation it yields me. I have been plush with desire to be made whole again, renewed. Just two days ago, in my first blog post (check it out!), I gently grazed the word "wholeness", as I listed a few of the things I want God to pour all over me this year. This is not a new year's resolution (I hate those), it is a part of my perpetual growth that is transcending. I will own all of the pieces of my growth as God picks them up and uses them to intricately put me back together, better than ever before. The importance of renewal is defined all throughout life. A driver's License has an expiration date and requires renewal in order for it to be continuously valid and utilized. If something goes beyond its date of expiration, it loses it's effectiveness and can become poisonous, like milk that has expired. I don't want to be like spoiled milk or like a drivers license that is no longer useful.
With all of the above expressed, I am determined to be keen on areas of my life that need renewal and to allow God to breathe restoration into each crease as it irons out and realigns with his divine will.
He makes all things new.
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