I have a need - a need so annoyingly burrowed within me, incessantly nagging and nauseatingly pulsating. This need fiercely demands my attention and threatens to eat me from the inside out until I have refrained from denying it. I can not weed it out from the stubborn maze of its vines that intertwine around and through my organs and bones; that is nourished by the blood that courses through my veins. This need is not a characteristic of sexual gratification, no, it is much deeper and complex than that. It is a composite to my destiny. And, I know that once this longing is met by the hand of God, I will become a ferocious ripping tidal wave, beautifully devastating and full of impact that makes a controlled, unvarying trickle look like a drip from a faulty faucet.
To be continued... I visited the lake the other day, It's my physical 'Go To' to 'Get Away'. While I was there, consuming God's beauty: The still, gentle, whispering applaud of the water, the glowing reflection of the setting sun plastered across portions of the lake's surface like paint., I began to zoom in on the striking, continuous syncopation of the ripples in the water, which sparked my thoughts on the concept of 'going with the flow'. This is an area I have struggled with since being in control is what I have fought to maintain. However, it has yielded me nothing positive. And, if I want to obtain peace, then I need to master the art of rolling with the tide. As I was standing on the rocks that intricately adorned the edges of the lake, I so badly wanted to dive in and be enveloped. But, I didn't have the guts, plus it was rather cold for my liking. In my mind though, I did take that plunge. By doing so, I was mentally programming my mind to obtain a new way of thinking and just. let. go. Adjust. Adapt. I didn't stay in the shallow end either, because I don't want my thinking to be shallow. I went deep, to get to that place of peace with God, that place that is unmoved or unchangeable by the surface chaos. This is a place I will mentally revert back to. Even though I was here alone physically, enjoying my solitude and singledom, I had a presence there with me, and as it wrapped my body, fiercely played in my hair, whispered in my ear, and caused tiny bumps to raise from my sun glazed skin, I was not tossed to and fro, but dizzy with pleasure. I was still firmly planted on the rigid, rock adorned ground. (Like a tree, planted by the water... (Jeremiah 17:8)" That permeable air blanket was soothing and sweet. It is amazing how much clarity and therapy can come from gorgeous lake views and a 'becoming one with the water" imagination. I choose to be free and flowing. "Be still, and know that I am God;...(Psalm 46:10)" "In quietness and calmness will be my strength (Isaiah 30:15)." "But as for you, be clear-headed in every situation (stay calm and cool and steady), endure every hardship (without flinching).. (2 Timothy 4:5)" Happy New Year!
I am happy to begin again! :) Every morning, I wake up to the Dictionary app's word of the day notification on my phone. I internally giggled at today's word "Redintegrate", which means to make whole again; restore to a perfect state; renew; reestablish. What is so funny about this word is the confirmation it yields me. I have been plush with desire to be made whole again, renewed. Just two days ago, in my first blog post (check it out!), I gently grazed the word "wholeness", as I listed a few of the things I want God to pour all over me this year. This is not a new year's resolution (I hate those), it is a part of my perpetual growth that is transcending. I will own all of the pieces of my growth as God picks them up and uses them to intricately put me back together, better than ever before. The importance of renewal is defined all throughout life. A driver's License has an expiration date and requires renewal in order for it to be continuously valid and utilized. If something goes beyond its date of expiration, it loses it's effectiveness and can become poisonous, like milk that has expired. I don't want to be like spoiled milk or like a drivers license that is no longer useful. With all of the above expressed, I am determined to be keen on areas of my life that need renewal and to allow God to breathe restoration into each crease as it irons out and realigns with his divine will. He makes all things new. I'm somberly sitting here at my desk, reviewing this past year as it is projected onto the screen of my mind. I am overwhelmed with emotion as warm pools of tears are rising to the surface of my brown eyes, about to make waves and crash onto my cheeks. I draw them back in. I am really not in the mood to smudge my makeup at this moment. But, I won't impede the waterfalls tonight as I embrace closing the door to this year of 2015, alone (not lonely), yet in the midst of a myriad of charismatic spirits starving for a multitude of different things. I'm yearning for a fresh start that pierces deeper than the dawning of a fresh year. Peace. Wholeness. True Love.
This is my first post on the last day of the year. I am letting this end so that I can begin again. I hope to see you in 2016. With Love. |
AuthorVisual and Linguistic Artisan + Creative Content Author. Archives
September 2016
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